I work in New York City. It's full of nutters. Go figure.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Thursday October 21st

I was walking to the subway today when I passed a deli that had a sign in the window saying, "Pre-order your Halloween bagels now!"

What the fuck are 'Halloween bagels' and what do you do with them?

Monday, October 18, 2004

Monday October 18th.

Most days I don't have to be in work until 9.30am. Ish. We work such long hours that start time is reasonably flexible and that means I generally have a mellow commute. It's only five stops on the subway and by the time I hit the station, most of Manhattan is already at work.

Except Mondays. I used to have to be in by 8am sharp on Mondays. Again, that's before most of the rest of the commuting herd thunder down to the station, so again, it was a mellow commute.

Then our bosses inexplicably said we could start an hour later on Monday. Seeing as how we're usually still in the office at 10pm on a Monday, that's kind of nice of them. But dear God, what a horrible, horrible thing it is to join the 9am rush. I can't believe I did it for so many years.

First, it's the stress of getting a seat on the way in. I know it's only five stops, but I like to read my NYTimes in the morning and that's really hard to do when you're standing up surrounded on all sides by fellow veal cows, swaying and stumbling as the train bumps along. Everyone lines up aggressively on the platform as the train comes in, and even if you decide to let a train go in the vain hope the next one isn't as crowded, the interval is JUST long enough to ensure the platform's eight deep in commuters and it's the same stressful tense squeeze to get a seat yet again. Some people go on the other side of the platform where the doors open first to let people off. We are torn between admiration and deep hatred for these people. Someone today muttered they were "cheaters". Even I think that's a little extreme.

Then, when I got out at 33rd St today, I had to queue to get up the subways stairs. This was because a bunch of fucking tourists had decided to stand in a large huddle in front of the hotel on the corner of 32nd and 6th, gazing like mentally retarded moo-cows at a car with its doors open that they were clearly considering getting into. Just not any time soon. In the meantime they were blocking almost the entire width of 32nd St, forcing hundreds of people in both directions to squeeze past them single file. Hence the fact I had to queue to get up the subway stairs.

I am so consumed with hatred for these tourists that I am grinding my teeth as I write this. I'm not sure an extra hour in bed is worth all of this.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Thursday October 14th.

There's a woman who smokes outside my building and I cannot honestly tell if she is very fat or very pregnant. I guess I'll know in a few months time.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Wednesday October 13th.

I don't know what the fuck was up with my NY Times today.

It was like it was made out of tarpaulin instead of paper. Every time I tried to turn the page it was a veritable wrestling match. The pages wouldn't turn and fold, they were lumpy and bumpy and individual pages kept falling out. It was like trying to read an octopus or something.

People on the subway were looking at me funny and the woman sitting next to me kept sighing loudly every time I invaded her airspace as I battled with my newspaper. I was aware that I was being extremely annoying and I got more and more embarrassed but that fucker WOULD NOT behave itself. Jesus. Any more of this and I'll have to start reading the Post.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Tuesday October 12th

When I am in my 60s I will NOT get a bad perm with a beige rinse, or wear faux Burberry coats, black leggings and white sneakers.

That is a promise.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Monday October 11th.

A week off work. A week off work somewhere where the streets don't stink. Which was nice.

Then back to New York and stinky 32nd St and the leaky alleyway and a woman with very short hair and the closest thing I've seen to a human version of Mr Spock ears. Huge, pointy and sticking out. She appeared very tense. Understandably so.