I work in New York City. It's full of nutters. Go figure.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Thursday September 2nd

I got on the train today and there was only one empty seat. It was empty for a reason. A blonde matchstick of a bachelorette in the seat next to it had made it so, by leaving her bag on it and by sitting with her legs crossed so that she was occupying half of it, as well as her own seat.

Congragulations, dear, I thought. You almost pulled it off. But now I am here and I am going to sit down in that seat, so you had better understand the nature of defeat. As I walked towards her she glanced up from her newspaper and I foolishly imagined she would politely move her bag. She did not. I stood before her and said, "Excuse me......" at which she snatched her bag away sulkily without looking at me. I expected her to also shift so that she wasn't taking up half my seat, but she did not.

So I sat down and nuged her bony bulimic arse aside with my ample saddle-bags. That showed her. Oh yeah. But to my surprise, she carried on leaning into my airspace as she read her piece of shit Metro (they have LARGE TYPE for people like her), turning the pages of her paper in front of my face as if she was sharing it with me. No thanks. I have my own paper, and I paid for it because it is the NY Times. And although it has a few shortcomings - not the least of which is a total sense of humour failure - I prefer it to your piece of shit Metro.

So I raised my own paper and we began our silent page-turning war. She got in my face, and I in turn, got in hers. Nobody really won. But when she flounced off at 23rd street I wanted to scream "Fuck off and die bitch. I hope your fiance sleeps with your maid of honour" (I know how to wound a bachelorette).

But I didn't. Life is full of little disappointments like that.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah fuck and I thought we had made you one of ours after your snarling at the Gramercy Park Hotel.

That would have been excellent.

Oh yeah and your saddle bags are about as big as my tits.


10:18 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh that was me.


10:21 AM

Blogger euro said...

She was blonde, Maccers dear. Naturally. So it couldn't have been you.

10:25 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

No I meant the comment.

What would I be doing on the path?

11:37 AM

Blogger euro said...

Heading for your spiritual home, obviously.

11:43 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha. That made me laugh.

But only because I am gracious in defeat.

Actually who the fuck am I kidding.



12:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

now these are proper comments we come here for...

- the peanut gallery

1:17 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

Sweetie, we're just going to have to keep you away from bachelorettes. They make you snarl. Oh wait, that's why we have to throw more of them at you, so that we the masses can be entertained.

7:08 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least it wasn't the Star.


9:36 AM

Blogger euro said...

If she were reading Star at least she'd have paid for it. Only my inner circle get free copies.

11:50 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, she certainly would have paid for it. With her soul.


2:03 PM

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10:55 AM


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