I work in New York City. It's full of nutters. Go figure.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Thursday September 23rd.

This morning I sat next to the most enormous woman I have ever seen in my life.

Don't get me wrong, she wasn't fat, she was just the largest female I've ever seen in my life. Ever. She must have been about 6"4, and she was built like a brick shit-house. She was actually quite scary to behold. But like I said, she wasn't fat, she was just enormously big and solid. Like a troll, or Hagrid from Harry Potter.

There was one seat left on the train between me and a corporate drone in khaki trousers and blue button-down shirt, and as she approached, I quivered with fear and thought, "Oh no, come on, no fucking way, you're not going to..... shit, yes you are.... shit, I'm going to be crushed to death."

Hagrid turned around (everyone ducked) and then she sat down. Or rather, only a very little bit of her sat down. She was so big she couldn't fit anything except the very tip of her arse on the seat, so she kind of perched precariously on it, her legs spread out before her like giant logs, while towering above the quivering masses. I was scared if the train jolted to a halt, she'd topple over on me like a large tree and squash me. I held myself in readiness to run.

She got up and thundered off the train at 14th St. I was extremely relieved. Where the fuck can she get her clothes from? We're talking waaaaaaaay beyond Long Tall Sally here.

3 Comments:

Blogger bronx expat said...

The most scary sit-next-to-you-ers are the four foot squared (4' tall 4.5' wide) women who sit down and are actually taller than seated tall people when seated. They are taller because of their enormous cushioning posterior.

10:20 PM

 
Blogger central booking said...

this happens to me on a daily only with extremely overweight people. being 5'2" has its severe disadvantages.

11:39 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this a discipline thing? Or a Kafka Thing?
Whenever I spread out comfortably in a tram, newspaper on the seat next to me, tram completely empty, say an elderly man, on crutches,is entering, a couple of doors down, zooming in on me.

He starts the perilous journey to where I sit, bypassing rows and rows of empty seats, and demanding that I clear the seat next to me so he can sit down.

Many people do this. It's some deep seated insect thing, I believe: I am therefore I sting.
Gisela Strauss
http://bloggerati.blogspot.com

10:43 AM

 

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