I work in New York City. It's full of nutters. Go figure.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Thursday August 26th

I counted 17 bachelorettes on my way in to work this morning. One thing I noticed about them was that they all had aggressive handbags that screamed "I read Vogue and buy the crap I see in there and you don't!". Another thing I noticed was that they all had facial expressions that indicated they'd been freshly sodomised by a badly-groomed Satan. I smiled at all of them cheerfully. I was laughing on the inside. They were scowling on the outside.

I had to disqualify my original bachelorette number 9 because she had suspiciously flabby thighs and was wobbling in her high heels. True bachelorettes may be chunky, but they are firm because they worship at the altar of the god 'Gym'. And a bona fide bachelorette never wobbles. She is kept erect by her pulsing veins of contempt.

On the bus, this woman in front of me took the usual half hour to get off. This time the driver actually lowered the bus for her. I was mildly irritated until I noticed her toes. They were the longest, weirdest toes I have ever seen. Like something you'd see on a camel or a gnu. No wonder she had problems walking. I think she'd be very good at hanging from a tree upside down like a bat.


Blogger alizinha said...

yes, it will be wonderful when autumn comes and people must cover their hideous feet and gnarled toes and we won't have to see that mess.

8:22 AM

Blogger Steven I. Weiss said...

What's a bachelorette?

10:55 AM


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