I work in New York City. It's full of nutters. Go figure.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Friday August 27th

This morning I had a victory of sorts.

I was in the elevator, waiting the obligatory hour for the doors to close. I don't know why they take so long to close in my building. I stab the "close door" button endlessly every time I'm in one of them in a futile fashion, knowing it makes no difference, but I feel I have to do something. I should know better by now. You wait an hour and then they close. That's the rule. It never changes and all the button-stabbing in the world will not alter that fact.

But what's really annoying is when the doors finally JUST start to close and someone dashes in at the last moment, and they open again and then we all have to wait another hour before they close again. We all hate it when that happens.

So this morning, I'd waited 59 minutes for the doors to close and they were almost shut when the woman who always stares at me in the elevator strolled up. She had that confident look that said "I'll just make it", but she didn't. She was forced to swerve away at the last minute as the doors shut. We looked at each other and I exulted inwardly, thinking "You'll have to find someone else to stare at this morning, fucker". If I were a man, I would have scratched my balls, or something.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck I am so jealous. That is precisely the kind of victory I want.

Although as I work in lovely downtown with the lovely downtown people who are nice and chatty I don't have anyone like that upon whom to seek that type of revenge. Here we all smile and welcome each other warmly in the elevator and punch in each other's floor numbers if one of us has hands full of coffee or other stuff. We wish each other a great weekend and bring each other gifts back from our vacations.

Christ your life must suck.

9:59 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh that was me. Lose the blogger comments and get haloscan ones.

maccers

10:03 AM

 
Blogger euro said...

My life does suck. But you knew that already.

11:11 AM

 
Blogger Sarah said...

That is truly victory!!!

11:56 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say this again, but this is my favorite blog in the world. Fucking genius.

12:49 PM

 
Blogger Andrew said...

What do you do in elevators without cameras when you're alone? My elevators at work have no cameras, and I'm usually late enough to work that I ride them alone. I'm running out of things to do, but my ADD won't let me do nothing. I don't want to start rehashing old victories (finding a poem that fit perfectly in the 117 second space between doors opening and closing was a nice one), and I could use advice. I almost wish I had a crazy woman stare at me in the elevator. Being alone in those things is hard work.

2:39 PM

 
Blogger euro said...

I use the luxury of an empty elevator to adjust my knickers if they're riding up my arse or otherwise annoying me.

3:43 PM

 

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